Sunday, February 28, 2016

BFP20- Not the Red Baron

This year marks the 20th anniversary of "Boys for Pele" by Tori Amos. Ever since my early teens, her music has been such an inspiration to me beyond words can describe. Her music has helped me through the death of both my parents and my brother and she always manages to give me words when I have none.
 Tori has inspired me as an artist in that it is okay to be different (unique) as well to be true to myself. Art and performing is to inspire others and it is okay to express all of my emotions.
 When Boys for Pele was released, I was still in my teens and even then it had so much meaning I now look on it with a different view being older.
 I think it is much like this when it comes to life, we experience different things and emotions as well grow as individuals. I am not the same person I was when first listened to "Boys for Pele" but the music and words are still there.
 So, with this I am announcing a new number I have been working on for some time "Not the Red Baron" off the fact my new repertoire is based on "Boys for Pele" as well "Crybaby" by Melanie Martinez.
 This challenges me as an artist, person and as a woman. It forces me to explore all of the emotions that helped me grow as a person in which I am currently. These new numbers are my journey and forever grateful for artists like Tori Amos for giving me a voice and a reason to be expressive. "Boys for Pele" will forever be a part of me.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

My Nose to the Rhinestone

Everyone has been posting about "Nose to the Rhinestone" and up until now been pretty mum on things and for good reasons.
So here are the updates if you may:

I have been busy booking shows outside of Columbus and pretty excited for what is to come. I have update my repertoire and added at least 6 new numbers. My signature numbers "Stars Dance" and "Orbit" have been re worked along with costuming updates for festivals and special performances.
 In addition to performances been busy planning photoshoots, runway shows and fundraisers. I want to devote more time to humanitarian efforts particularly PCOS and Multiple Sclerosis which have been issues very dear to me.

So that is what I have been up to as of late...

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Rumours answered.

So, it has been brought to my attention about the "rumours" and what people have been incorrectly reporting about me. Well, going to clear up a few things once and for all (and not commenting on this further)

1. My Name:
It seems as if people are obsessed over my name. First, I have an "American" name as it happens with many individuals who are not born in the United States. I am also an Orthodox Christian along with baptism we are given a Slava or saint name. Mine happens to be Natalia Antonina ( Natalie). Early on in my modeling days there are so many people with my American name (Jessica) it just became confusing. So I do in fact use my Ukrainian (or Eastern Orthodox name). It would become rather confusing going to a casting and someone call "Jessica" and there would be probably 20 other Jessica's there. Plus, it is also a preference. Majority of my father's family will refer to me as "Nina", "Tonechka" etc which are diminutives of Antonina. I am very proud of my Ukrainian heritage.
 Another reasoning for this is for work purposes. I work in the medical field and for protection of my job and protection of patients of where I work, the use of my Ukrainian name makes sense. What people fail to understand I have a professional life as well and want to keep that separate from performing. So, my name is Natalia Page but my PERFORMER name is Persephone Fey. That is all most need to know.

2. Fake profiles:
I do not have any "fake" profiles on social media nor do I use them to role play etc. It is difficult to keep up with my own social media nonetheless have time to worry about a fake profile. If anyone is pretending to be DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM. I have only the one twitter account which I primarily use. Facebook is primarily for my family ONLY. Any other contact is primarily done on twitter which is my social media of choice.

3. Exposing Blogs:
NO. I don't own nor write any exposing blogs. In fact, someone contacted me to inform me of this. Again, between my medical career, performing, personal life and modeling no time for this and yes, I have read is much nicer than I would be or what I know about the for said situation (s).

4. Ageism:
I am NOT an ageist. I do have an issue with these individuals EMOTIONAL MATURITY. I feel a person can do whatever he or she chooses at whatever is the maturity of that individual. I do find it rather disturbing when a woman is 50 years of age and will literally belittle a girl my age in regards to her body and literally make attempts to destroy her self esteem. It is bad when it is girls my age doing this but even worse when it is women older than us doing this. Why? Because they are supposed to be setting examples for us.

5. Personal Life:
It is just that. My personal life. Friends and family help me maintain a personal life. There are certain aspects I just prefer to keep private, one of them being relationships. Who I am dating/involved with I would rather keep private because relationships are difficult to maintain especially when posting it constantly on social media. When other people are involved it makes it harder...some things people just don't need to know.

I could go on with this list but these are the most common. But, right now focusing on more important things which are projects coming up. xoxo

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Just Get Over It. [enough already] Update

It really is simple and easy to get over something. This is particularly easy when there are individuals who continually provoke the situation. I mean, who are the ones making fake Google plus accounts, messaging my facebook page and sending friends to snoop and report back? Then it only comes down to a series of people posting "shade" posts which is simply immature. Yea, immature when a person is 50 years old and messages a girl my age disturbing things such as: my body is fat or I should kill myself. Yes. This still happens in this day and age. Get over it. Sure I have far from moved on but since people like to degrade me because they feel it will garner attention for themselves.
 Sad. I am spending this year and have been thus far focusing on a new repertoire. Making new costumes. Creating new photography. Working on my nature art. Spending time with my close friends and family. These things are important to me. I really cannot care less except when a person attacks me or my close friends.
 I belong in the performance world. I have paid more than my fair share of "dues" as did my family. I have earned it, I have worked damn hard for it. You don't have to like me and honestly I don't give a shit if you don't. But at least be mature enough to not cross my personal boundaries.
Actually, it is sad, yet I am not going anywhere. Get used to me. Go love yourself instead.

I also wanted to just update this blog post. You know, we all need times to vent especially when things aren't so hot. And when I mean not so hot it is difficult when people who you don't even know or barely know at all will write horrible things about you via social media. I am far from delusional, nor do I consider myself "better" than anyone else but I do understand in a small extent why celebrities feel as they do. Never in my life have I witnessed so many women who are at least 10-15 yrs older than me making horrible comments via social media. These women act like "mean girls".  Saddest thing is they are jealous and so immature which is hard to grasp at their ages and they actually "get off" on toying with emotions of others.
  It is a control factor. They are so displeased with their own lives that they have to put down someone else because can control that. It's easy. If they were so busy with shows, etc they definitely wouldn't have time to be on this blog on a constant, and making fake profiles. They project their actions, insecurities onto me because people won't see their faults and what they are lacking.
 The question is why would I be jealous of them? I've been fortunate enough to travel the world at a young age, met some of the most amazing people, performed beyond my wildest dreams and they still perform locally and can barely get shows here, perform in shows where they are either not paid or lucky enough to get $10 in tips.  Not to mention they lost their business establishments, partners cheated on them, and goodness knows what else.
Yep, "kids are still depressed when you dress them up".

Go back to your sippy cups. No one is worried about you. In fact, I have moved on with my life, you're the ones who are still dwelling in it. I've listened to one of them bitch for over two years about it.
And that's the problem...they're the fakest people I know.

I deserve to be in the burlesque world and I deserve to be a performer. They haven't run me off, I'm not going anywhere so get used to me.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Onward and Forward....

Given that there a few weeks left in 2015 there are some things I definitely would like to leave behind. Many of those things is the negativity and wanting to surround myself with people who are going to be encouraging, uplifting and supportive of not just performing but in life as a whole.
Generally speaking, I am and have always been a positive person but I made a subconscious choice to allow others to bring me down as an individual and self doubt myself which is ultimately one of the worst feelings as an artist/performer.
  I can now fully express that I am no longer affiliated with the burlesque groups/troupes I was in the past and I am thankful for that. Many criticize me and that is okay. People do not have to like my style of burlesque and for once try to appreciate others as burlesque as I always thought...can be whatever we want it to be. It is supposed to be empowering and supportive and yes frustrating on my mind because people for whatever reasons they have had made it difficult. I still stand by my convictions; I have been not welcomed to perform in venues because of my body/appearance, been sabotaged while performing. It happens, I refuse to allow whatever negative experience I've had in the past continue into the new year in regards to growing as an artist.
  I never professed to be an amazing performer and will admit I still have room to grow but as does everyone else. Constructive criticism is giving advice and not messaging someone ridiculing her body that is putting down another individual and ruining her self esteem (or trying to).
 People still have questions about exactly what happened and all I can say is I have my reasons and do not wish to go into it publicly, per se. I will say this, I did feel I was surround by individuals who for me were toxic and the same towards others.
 Do I love performing? Yes, I do. But as stated many times there is so much more to my life than just as a performer. I do wish to spend more in my humanitarian efforts and giving to others. They make out my comments to be ageist but it is a realistic factor when especially in burlesque there is a ticking time and can do this for so long. It is a fact of life.
  Lastly, I am thankful for the continuous support and love. People who have seen me perform and have had kind words I am grateful, even if it is one person I am happy. I still plan to perform but definitely changing how I perform and which venues. Modburlesque is turning into an actual thing.
  I want women to know they do not have to be exploited for "attention" or to build a self esteem. You're not a "slut", "thot" or anything else. Women can be a powerful word if used the proper way.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

A Fashion Trend I Support

I came across the post on Refinery 29's Instagram account. The statement was focusing on NYFW (New York Fashion Week) and the lack of diversity in models during runway shows. The idea was that many top designers didn't use runway models of different ethnicities.
 So, with that model Ashley Chew came up with an idea of creating "Black Models Matter" t shirts and can be purchased on her etsy account. I support this because being mixed heritage- Native American and Ukrainian I have experienced the same as a burlesque performer and as a model.
I remember responding to a casting call in which the photographer stated he wanted Native models, I wasn't chosen because he thought I didn't "look" Native; however, the model he did choose for the shoot had dark blonde hair and blue eyes...definitely not Native, clearly the model looked Caucasian.
 I think with social media and in entertainment industry there is a set stereotype for what women should look like. I honestly believe in the burlesque community here is the same when it comes to women of ethnicity.
 I remember one time during a show I was getting ready backstage and had another performer ask to touch my hair and couldn't understand why my hair was "natural".....I get it and I experience racism in many different other areas as well. I also remember in my first troupe experience there was an attempt to market me as a "ghetto black girl" because I'm not blonde and ridiculously pale. I obviously refused because I felt that was offensive because that is to assume all African-Americans like that particular culture which is not the case. People are people, some people may like that some may not but to generalize within itself is a form of racism and prejudice.
 Naturally, I am a natural hair colour is dark auburn. I have freckles and I tan. People assume about me a great deal. To this day, most people in the burlesque world here make assumptions about my heritage and don't even ask me what my heritage is and half the time they think I am making it up. I think to an extent acknowledging my heritage would mean closer to them, making me be something else makes others feel a sense of superiority. I'm not saying it does but many people think that way, sadly
 So yes, racism
still exists, cultural ignorance still exists. I am surprised how in this day and age how culturally ignorant people still are.
 So instead of trying to market me as this race or that race, market me as a person...a human being, you know?
 I commend Ashley and other models for speaking out about how yes, ethnic models are still over looked. Black models matter, Native models matter, Latina models matter.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Proud Bunhead

I have been criticized by many burlesque performers it would seem because of my ballet/dance training. Ballet takes extreme discipline and is a form of art and it is a passion of mine since the age of 6. Those who criticize probably have not been in a dance studio nor have done barre work as well do any sort of pointe work for ballet. I don't criticize about burlesque so don't criticize ballet. They are two completely different forms of dance but can be just as exciting, expressive and imaginative.
 I am a firm believer that there is more to burlesque just than flashing your boobs for attention which sadly many women are overly sexualized when it comes down to it because that is all they have to offer.
 I am very proud of my dance training and exceptionally proud to be a BalletMet student; it is not everyday get to be surrounded by so many talented artists and performers and have learned far more about being on stage than anything else. I am a huge fan of modburlesque because it focuses more on dancing and modern choreography than just being on stage and taking clothes off. I get it that is what burlesque is marketed as but the same individuals who express that is an art form are the same ones criticizing. I respect you so respect me as a performer. I also love how the burlesque performers who complain that my numbers are horrible are the ones who see nothing but just stripping as part of it, yet say it is more.
 I am a dancer and always marketed myself as one more than a burlesque performer and the ones who criticize are also the ones who are attempting to look more "dancer" in their routines.
 So for the lovely burlesque performer who messaged me the nasty message earlier...I am actually ashamed you are a human being.
 Overall, if the focus of burlesque is to empower women why is it necessary to message others and put them down to make them feel bad about themselves? That is the sign of insecurity...focus on being better people and performers than constantly worrying about what I am doing.
 So with that being said...I am a proud bunhead.
the end