Given that there a few weeks left in 2015 there are some things I definitely would like to leave behind. Many of those things is the negativity and wanting to surround myself with people who are going to be encouraging, uplifting and supportive of not just performing but in life as a whole.
Generally speaking, I am and have always been a positive person but I made a subconscious choice to allow others to bring me down as an individual and self doubt myself which is ultimately one of the worst feelings as an artist/performer.
I can now fully express that I am no longer affiliated with the burlesque groups/troupes I was in the past and I am thankful for that. Many criticize me and that is okay. People do not have to like my style of burlesque and for once try to appreciate others as burlesque as I always thought...can be whatever we want it to be. It is supposed to be empowering and supportive and yes frustrating on my mind because people for whatever reasons they have had made it difficult. I still stand by my convictions; I have been not welcomed to perform in venues because of my body/appearance, been sabotaged while performing. It happens, I refuse to allow whatever negative experience I've had in the past continue into the new year in regards to growing as an artist.
I never professed to be an amazing performer and will admit I still have room to grow but as does everyone else. Constructive criticism is giving advice and not messaging someone ridiculing her body that is putting down another individual and ruining her self esteem (or trying to).
People still have questions about exactly what happened and all I can say is I have my reasons and do not wish to go into it publicly, per se. I will say this, I did feel I was surround by individuals who for me were toxic and the same towards others.
Do I love performing? Yes, I do. But as stated many times there is so much more to my life than just as a performer. I do wish to spend more in my humanitarian efforts and giving to others. They make out my comments to be ageist but it is a realistic factor when especially in burlesque there is a ticking time and can do this for so long. It is a fact of life.
Lastly, I am thankful for the continuous support and love. People who have seen me perform and have had kind words I am grateful, even if it is one person I am happy. I still plan to perform but definitely changing how I perform and which venues. Modburlesque is turning into an actual thing.
I want women to know they do not have to be exploited for "attention" or to build a self esteem. You're not a "slut", "thot" or anything else. Women can be a powerful word if used the proper way.